i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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