Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She told me I should be a condom model.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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