i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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