ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
