How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
