he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
