my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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