My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
