Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
