when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
