It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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