i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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