pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
