just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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