i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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