I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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