can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
