I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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