she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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