I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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