I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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