Got a toothbrush?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
