Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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