Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
