I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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