I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
