My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
