Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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