Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
