i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you win again, gameday.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
