Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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