East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
