What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
