Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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