You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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