guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
