Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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