hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
