We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
