how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
