Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize