Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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