My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
