She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't talk, ducks in the car
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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