We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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