I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
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last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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