I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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