So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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