No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
