we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
