I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
