How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
