I skipped work to stalk him.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
