White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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