Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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