btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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