I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
