Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How's work?
Spinning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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