dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
