my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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