That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
