physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
