Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
