Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
