I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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