I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
