Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
