Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
