It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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