I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so let's talk penis.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
