I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
