Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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