i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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