he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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