I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
