I met the friendliest cop last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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